where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That accounts for only three of the penises
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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