is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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