My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have already put on my inside pants.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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