I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
