I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
