I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
