Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
