we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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