So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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