when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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