We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
