Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
