I'm passing your future prison.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
