Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Vodka?
Forever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
