If i come over, it means nothing
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
