I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this beer tastes like vomit already
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
