He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
