You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
