It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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