Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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