So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
