i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
