just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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