My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you bring me the toilet please
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
