I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
