I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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