Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
