i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
