I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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