I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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