he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
