all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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