Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
