I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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