I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
