Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
