do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
