Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize