I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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