Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
