I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
