I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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