And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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