I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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