For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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