In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
