just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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