Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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