I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
