I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
