they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She's not a foreskin expert like you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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