I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
someone owes me an orgasm
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
